Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
