As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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