My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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