I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
