we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
