Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
