it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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