I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I want a musical about memes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
