I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
