Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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