Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
