Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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