If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
