she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
