Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He passed out mid-signature
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
