When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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