and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
