Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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