oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
