Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pants are for mortals
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
