I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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