If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
