he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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