The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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