I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
