:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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