can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
