i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
