I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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