Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
