That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize