I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
