he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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