I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
