we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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