i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
