Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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