Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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