I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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