I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
