News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
