I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
