I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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