Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
