you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't deserve a penis
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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