New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
