you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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