sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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