Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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