Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't EVER smell your tampon
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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