I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
