There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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