Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
