just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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